How to create a new national anthem

You might have missed this in the news this week. It hasn’t really received much coverage at all. It was way down the news agenda. Yes, that’s right Jeremy Corbyn not singing the national anthem, of course! It’s like it’s been in the news at all… This makes me wonder how we would write a new national anthem if we replaced ‘God save the Queen’. So here’s my handy guide:

Step 1: Figure out what it means to be British

Being British is hard to describe so let’s not fuss too much and stick to lazy stereotypes. Fish and chips has to be in there. Repressed emotions. The BBC. Rain.

Step 2: Insert some lines slagging off various sports

The national anthem is performed at many sporting events so why not troll sportsmen and women by forcing them to sing a song that slags off their sport?

Step 3: Launch a talent show to find who can almost sing

You’ll need a singer to write the new national anthem so start a TV talent show. There’s a twist: the one who can tell the best sob story wins.

Step 4: Change the words regularly

Once a day will do nicely. You’ll now have excuse for always forgetting the words.

GOD SAVE THE QUEEN! Well, I think he should at least consider saving her…